Turks: The Sitcom
by MegaMan Neo
Summary: Put in an apartment by what most scientists would call a zombie, Reno, Rude and Elena must do the most un-thinkable thing ever: Live together. I thought this up one night when horribly bored.


We don't have nearly enough Turk stories. Yeah, there's a lot, but I like Turk stories. I also like Sitcoms. So, I'm mixing them together, a la Frankenstein, and making one horrible creation...or something.

Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, try not to throw up, whether you hate it or not. Enjoy the ride.

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Pilot: Dead People Cut Spending.

The Shin-Ra Building in Midgar wasn't nearly as totaled as one would think. Yeah, so Meteor did a number on it, and Holy didn't exactly help. But, hey, at least Palmer was in a coma.

Reno's life hadn't changed at all. It was still the normal "Kill this guy" "Get info from that guy" "Drink Heineken till the early hours" kinda life. On the plus side, now that Tseng was dead, he was spending more time with Elena, who, as Reno and many others thought, had a sweet body.

Of course, where there's good, there will undoubtedly be evil. Most people thought zombies were evil. Reno thought Elena during "That Week" was evil, but this was on a different level, one way or another.

The call came over the building intercom: "Will the Turks please repost to Rufus's office?" it had said, causing less confusion then one would think.

"What?" Said Reno. "Another damn memorial? We've had, like, eight of those this month!"

They had a memorial services every so often in the past three years since Rufus was killed by WEAPON. (_W_ow, _E_nergy _A_t _P_ants-pissingly _O_dd _N_-Levels) (The Earth wasn't so great at acronyms)

They didn't expect to see what they saw when they reached the top floor. Climbing the red-carpeted stair, there they saw...

"Rufus!" yelped Elena in shock.

Sitting in the large desk, smiling at the Turks, was Rufus.

"Hello, everyone," He looked at their shocked faces. "Yes, so it appeared that I died. Well, I did. But I was rich enough to get out of the afterlife."

"I knew it! Satan takes bribes!!" Reno shouted. "You owe me twenty gil!" he added to Rude, who just stared shocked at Rufus.

"Yes, yes. If we're past the whole 'Why the hell aren't you dead, you zombie bastard' thing..." said Rufus.

"Which, we aren't," Said Elena.

"Eh, yes. Well, I've called you here to tell you that Shin-Ra is cutting our budget, meaning we'll have to take you three out of those fancy apartments in Sector 3," said Rufus.

"Hey, Elena, I'll show you how to make a primo box-house," said Reno, assuming he was to become a hobo. He was used to sleeping on streets. It's something he did when Rude doesn't pick him up from the bar.

"No, you won't be living on the streets. We'll get you a nice apartment...for you to live together in!!!" Rufus's his voice seemed...evil at the last part.

"NOOO!!! Don't make me live with...with...Reno!!" Elena pleaded. Living with Reno was...unpleasant.

"Ooh! Don't make me live with Reno!" Reno said in a mock-Elena voice. "I can't stand to be around him without getting a piece of that hot action!" He cackled, Rude laughed, and even Rufus chuckled.

"Okay, okay. Enough," said Rufus. "You'll be assigned to a decent apartment in Sector 1."

"Can I say something?" said Rude.

"You can talk?!" shouted Reno, and he laughed again.

"Ya finished?" Rufus asked angrily. Reno nodded. "Well, here are the keys, "He tossed them onto his desk lazily, "Now get crackin'!" He shouted.

"Uhh, I was going to say something..." said Rude.

"And yet, I don't care," said Rufus.

If the Turks were at all excited about living together, they lost all the "joy" when they found the apartment. It was pretty basic, not at all like the extravagant apartments in sector 3. The walls of this were an odd gray, not ugly, but not appealing, either. The carpet was a shag-rug, and somewhat dirty. The bathroom was nice, about the nicest thing in the whole place.

"Well, this place is...friendly?" Elena struggled with words to make the place seem nice.

"No, no it's not," said Reno. "It's kinda crappy."

"Hey, guys?" Rude seemed somewhat nervous. "Guess who's at the door."

The Turks were even more shocked to see this one than they were to see Rufus. Six feet tall, black coat, long, flowing, silver hair. He was formerly Shin-Ra's most dangerous force. And now he was standing in the doorway of the Turks' home. Sephiroth was there.

"Get the hell out! Don't come near me!!" Elena shouted, showing off her gun.

"I swear, if you touch one hair on my beautiful head!!" Reno said as well, positioning his mag-rod.

"Well, Jesus. I was going to say hello," Said Sephiroth. "Looks like we're neighbors."

"Sweet Christ, we live next door to this psycho?" said Rude.

"Hey, I'll have you know, I almost...What's that?! Coming, Mother!!" Sephiroth rushed into his apartment.

Reno turned to Rude.

"So, when do you think this is going to end?" asked Reno.

"What I hope? Soon. In reality? When hell freezes over." Said Rude.

And so it begins...


End file.
